Cassidy, I think your storybook sounds really amazing! You immediately had me hooked! The way you write, you can tell that these women who will be telling the stories feel like their depiction was not quite accurate and they are here to set the story straight. I think you did a really good job at making their sort of defiant tone immediately be heard. They will not be misrepresented or judged without reason and I like how much strength you were able to give these women just in the introduction alone! I also really liked your picture you chose! One thing I was wondering about is, who are these women? Who is going to be telling their stories each week? I think it would be really cool to at least know who they are first and then hear their stories! How many women are there? Three? Ten? I wish I had a little bit more detail going into it but other than that I think you are doing an incredible job and I really love your writing style!
Omg, Cas, your comment post pic is amazing! Literally laughed out loud!
Your cover pic is PERFECT!!! That and your title convey exactly what your stories will be about Oh my goodness I'm so excited to see where you take this! Definitely reading your stories every week! I love how you made all the women speak with one voice. It just sounds and feels so powerful! The idea of getting into their heads is really interesting too! Seeing their stories through their own eyes instead of some biased and over-glorified male would be a refreshing change!
You've got a couple run on sentences in there that should be super easy to fix. Otherwise, I don't see much more that you need to do. Polish it up a bit grammatically and then blast us all away with the tales of these powerful women! The world needs more stories like this and more people like you to write them! I can't wait to read the first story!!! LOVE THIS AND YOU! BYE
Cassidy, I just read the introduction for your Storybook. I really like the idea of explaining the constellations and celestial occurrences (or maybe misconceptions) from the "ladies of the stars"' perspectives. I was given the impression that this will be an empowering Storybook. I also felt like human ignorance will play a big part in your project. This is a theme that is very relevant to our world today, especially in our country. Perhaps your Storybook will serve as a lesson for what can happen when ignorance outdoes truth, and the evils that can take place. The only thing that I would suggest that you revise is the repetition of "we are going to tell you" at the end of the introduction, but I understand that you put it in there for emphasis. Good job on this! I can't wait to read some of your stories later on in this course.
Hey, Cassidy, I really love the direction you are taking with your storybook! The design of your website and the photos that you use really sets up the atmosphere and pulls the reader into the story. I loved that you are telling this story from the perspective of the women in these constellations. The "we" voice that you have chosen to write in is awesome and will work so well for telling these stories! That being said, I have a note about the "we" voice you have chosen. It gets a bit redundant at times. I suggest changing up your sentence structure to combat this problem. That will also help with my other note, the sentence structure becomes a bit monotonous. You use a lot of commas and semi-colons, which is not bad, but don't be afraid of using short sentences every now and then - I think short sentences in places would make some of the statements more poignant. For example, "Some might say that we deserved what we got, that the gods put us here for a reason..." I think "Some might say that we deserved what we got. The gods put us here for a reason." is just a little bit more powerful. The period puts a longer pause between ideas. Other than that, keep it up!
Hi Cassidy! First of all, thank you for blessing us with the picture on your comment wall! Ha ha! I am so impressed with your idea behind this Storybook. I love constellations, and I think it's so creative to allow the women to tell their own stories themselves. It gives me this great mental image of groups of stars brightening until you can see hazy outlines of women, which stoop down and begin to tell their stories, defending themselves. Your introduction is written beautifully. You gave the women a strong, lyrical voice. I also really like that you ended the introduction with a question for us to think about as we continue reading. The only suggestion I have is to move the music to the top of the page so that the reader can listen to it while they read. You've set your Storybook up so nicely and I look forward to reading more of it later!
Cassidy I am so excited about your Storybook!! I am actually doing mine on women as well - Badass Biblical Women - so I am so stoked to get to read your stories and get some ideas from you! I loved how you point out in your introduction how many different types of women their are in the constellations! I think the most important thing about analyzing women in mythology is pointing out that they don't all have to be one archetype - so I loved that you emphasized this! I also liked the video and pictures that you included it really made it feel more immersive! I also loved that you talked about women as a collective using "We"! Clearly I'm all about the girl power so I'm loving this! Keep up the great work!
Hey Cassidy! Your introduction is so good. I kind of get the vibe of "Series of Unfortunate Events" with it being so blunt, but this is truly what draws the reader in. I also like how you ended the introduction with a question. This gives the reader a good sense of what exactly is to come. I also really like how you summed up what your project will be about. I have found in a lot of introductions that I really do not know what is going on until I read the first story. I really liked how you included a quick "summary" of what your storybook will be about. Your first story is also really good. I really enjoyed reading it. I have always loved the stars, so I am looking forward to reading more and learning some "myths" about the women in the constellations. Great job and I cannot wait to read more!
The music to go along with your introduction is a nice touch, and I did read it again after I found the music link. I think it goes with what theme you are trying to bring to your story, although I must say your theme is pretty dramatic. I think most of the people reading your story would know that Zeus overthrew Cronos, but either way it would most likely be better to leave out that part entirely. It would be better to either change your story title to Virgo instead of Virgin. If not this, it would at least be good to explain in your story why you chose that as your title. You only mention that translation of her name once, and it means nothing in the context. I do like how you tie the background of this comment wall to the constellation theme of the story. However, the humor in your picture takes a little away from the serious nature of your storybook.
Hi Cassidy! Okay, first of all, I love the meme at the top of this page. Secondly, I love the theme of your storybook — the site is lovely and the voice you use in storytelling is powerful. One thing I wondered while reading Virgo's story — why did the gods chose her to look after other humans? What made her so special, or was she just chosen randomly? Along those lines, as a semi-regular mortal, how does she have the power to fly to the stars and live there, and what does she feel for humans as she continues to watch them from above? Another thing I wondered — why is your story titled "The Virgin"? If it's a translation of Virgo's name, it might be helpful to explain that in the story (as well as why she'd be called Virgo in the first place). Otherwise, I really enjoyed your storytelling, and I'm looking forward to reading more from you soon!
Cassidy, I want to start by saying that this storybook is a really interesting idea. I like that the stories are told in first person, so you can get a sense of what these women are feeling when the stories occur. I had never heard of the tale of Virgo before, but like you mentioned in your Author’s Note I think she wouldn’t like Zeus either. Your storytelling is great and strong, you got the lesson across quite nicely. Did you decide on Virgo being the first story because she chose to place herself in the stars or was it for another reason? Overall, the introduction gave a great general idea of what this storybook is going to be about. And the first story was a great start to the storybook, it really personalized and portrayed the character nicely. I would also like to mention that the meme on this page is amazing. Keep up the good work!
Hi Cassidy! First off, I really like your image that you chose for the banner on your homepage. It really pops and attracts the audience to your site. I also like that you decided not to start the introduction off with “once upon a time” or “one day.” I like that you are speaking in first person point of view for your introduction. The perspective from using that point of view offers so much depth and emotion to your story. I love that you embedded a video clip at the end of emotional music. I wish I had seen that at the beginning so I could have played it while reading. Maybe you could move the video clip to the middle rather than at the end? I really enjoyed your first story, I like how you changed it from the original and made it a lot more interesting. I am so excited to read the rest of your stories!
Hey Cassidy! I really like the images you used. I agree with your introduction saying "once upon a time" or other similar introductions are kind of lack luster. I really liked the story of Virgo and Zeus's impact on humanity. It's interesting to see the possibility that humans were one as young and beautiful as the gods before Zeus took that from them. Why is it you chose Virgo first of the constellations to do? I am wondering if the twins will be talked about at all, I am unsure if they are brother or sisters. This was a really good start to the story book and I bet it will get even better.
Hey there Cassidy, what a great start to your project! Visually everything looks great because it is very appealing to the eye and well organized. Additionally, I liked that you included a video link on your introduction. It gets the reader in the mindset to dive into your story. The very first line of the introduction "starting these stories off with “once upon a time” would be quite cliché, especially when you consider the tragic ends that we each faced" is such a fantastic way to start off the story because it really gets the reader intrigued from the very first sentence. Then your very last sentence of the intro is a great way to keep the reader interested and prepared for what is to come next. Then, your first story is really good too. I loved reading your author’s note and seeing your inspiration. Everything is well laid out and I am excited to see where you go with this, good luck!
Hi Cassidy, the introduction is wonderful and really explains the background of your storybook. I really like the idea of explaining the constellations and celestial occurrences (or maybe misconceptions) from the "ladies of the stars"' perspectives. I love your background and the way you have your web page set up. I'm from the Indian Epics class, and your author's note was extremely informative on providing background info for readers with no previous knowledge. You did a wonderful job on your story, it was fun to read and very intriguing. Keep up the good work!
Hi Cassidy, coming in from the Indian Epics course here! You did a really great job on your storybook. Your introduction to your stories really set us up for what is to come and I could not stop reading. I was so curious that I had to read more. Your title, also, really captured my initial attention, because not many people (that I have read) have written about constellations and signs. I really like zodiac signs/astrology/astronomy so this definitely peaked my interest. Your first story was super unique and I could not keep my eyes off the page. I wondered a lot about Virgo's character, because you mentioned she was mortal, but not like any kind of mortal so I wondered how she chose to go up to the stars? I would also like to see you incorporate more of her backdrop into the story or author's note somehow, but you did great explaining the original and your version!
Your introduction was wonderful, It kept me wanting to read more. Your story was completely different than the ones I have seen so I was excited to check it out. I liked that the introduction gave a great background on what is about to come. I did not think you were going to talk about greek mythology, which was a surprise. I read your story and I was little lost on how she became a star if she was sent by the god to check up on humans? Was she already a star, but then decided to be a permanent start that could only stay in space? I think you could justify those details more clearly maybe by adding dialogues or adding little more background to her life. I really liked the pictures your used for into and the story. They all correlate well with the story. Overall great story and I can't wait to read more.
Really wanted to read your next story. I loved the second installment in Women in the constellation's: The Sisters. The Sisters was an amazing story, just based off the title, I would've thought it was about Gemini. It was interesting to learn about other sisters in our stars and the myth's about the origins. I would like to know about Aquarius or Gemini, there are apparently a lot of constellation myths I don't know about and I'm sure they would make amazing stories. I think adding dialogue or more background to their lives would really take your stories to the next level.
So I would first like to point out that you chose an awesome picture for the banner of your homepage! Since that is the first page your readers see it does a great job of illustrating the title. Also, your introduction is so intriguing! I definitely wanted to read more about who "we" were and the accompanying music was beautiful. My only comment would be that since you had banner images on the other story it seemed like it was missing one.
The story of the Virgin was both heartbreaking and elegant. Maybe the tone of the story could be better perceived if the background of the page was not white? It could just be me, but I really enjoy when the background color behind the text is something other than white. This of course is just a personal preference. Also, I was curious on how she turned herself into the stars? Maybe you could go into a bit more detail on how heartbroken she was and how this transformed her.
Anyways, great work! I really enjoyed reading through your storybook.
Hi Cassidy! First, thank you for the "wot in constellation" meme. I needed that. Second, I thought you did a great job with your storybook. Your introduction page really set the tone for the two stories that followed — because you start your introduction with the narrator being "we," I'm imagining a bunch of strong, mythological women getting me ready to learn their stories. I also listened to the song you placed at the end of your introduction and kept it playing while I read the other two stories, and I thought it perfectly matched the tone of your stories. Something you might consider for the story of the Seven Sisters would be including photos of each of the sisters. For me, someone who's not familiar with the story, it's a little tough to keep the characters straight. Maybe you could even make a family tree to show each of the sisters, their "photos," who they're married to, their children, etc. Anyway, great work! Keep it up!
Hi Cassidy! I commented a while ago on your introduction, and I am so happy to return to your Storybook this week! The two stories you've added are really wonderful, and you've done a great job of continuing with the strong, proud, slightly mournful tone that you set in the introduction. The author's notes for both stories were extremely helpful, and I like the way that you've adapted the stories to fit the mood and theme of your Storybook! The first person narration is entertaining to read, and you've given beautiful voices to the constellations. I especially like that you allowed Dike to stand up for herself and show her heart for the human race; what a great way to bring a new angle to an old story! I also really liked getting a description of each sister in "The Sisters." I was a little confused about Maia's issue with her own beauty, so maybe you could elaborate on that a little. Why did she want to control her beauty, and who attempted to use it against her? I think it was a great approach to tell each sister's background, as well as her appearance as a constellation, and then tie them all together to explain how they became constellations. Both stories so far are very effective in introducing us to a new perspective of constellations: strong women with their own distinct voices! Love it!
I loved The Virgin! My only thing was, she chose to leave the humans behind when she saw there was nothing else she could do and then felt guilty about it later. Why can't she just go back if she feels so bad about it? Could you maybe deviate from the original and say that she was commanded to leave and find a new home among the stars so that she could still yearn to be with the humans she loves so much? I don't know, just an idea.
In The Sisters, doesn't Atlas hold up the sky? Not the Earth? I like the idea behind this story but I feel like there's too much going on. Most of this story reads like a summary of all their personalities but it got a little confusing for me and it was hard to keep up. I would suggest picking a few sisters and really developing their stoires alongside Merope's.
This is my first time visiting your page. I loved your introduction! It was very engaging from the start! I loved that you had a music video on your first page. In "The Virgin" I enjoyed the first person view point of the story. These stories always seam more personal to me, and keep me engaged in the story. I am glad that you decided to include a moral of the story which was revealed in your final sentences. It really made your story feel like it was an older story. "The Sisters" was hard to follow at first because there are so many characters. I had to reread a few parts to keep up with all the characters. The author's note helped me, and then I reread the story with a better understanding. Maybe you could split this story into 2 parts so that you have more time to explain each sisters so the story doesn't feel all over the place. I know the word count can be restricting. Over all it was a great story, I was just left wanting more!
Hi again! Virgo's story is so good, yet it is so sad. I feel bad for her. She once loved humans but because of one god's created, it created a wall of distrust between humans and god. My favorite thing about this story is how it is in first person. I feel like without this aspect, the story would have not been able to play the emotions of the readers. Great job with this. The sisters story is by far one of my favorite I have read! I love how you describe the characters so vividly, so that the audience can picture what they would be like. The one thing that I was confused about is what happened to them? Was it just Orion hunting them? That was the only thing I was not sure about. I really enjoyed the descriptions and the background information. I feel like you could definitely tell more stories about them. You did a really great job and I wish you the best of luck finishing up!
Hi Cassidy! First, I would like to say how well done your website is. I like pretty much everything about it. It’s easy to navigate, the images you used are good, and the music you added to the introduction is a really nice touch. The introduction got me hooked and wanting to read more. I like the use of the rhetorical question at the end of it. It lets the reader decide for themselves how they will interpret this story. I think my biggest question for the whole storybook is why didn’t Virgo go against Zeus’s word? I know that she probably wouldn’t have a chance against him, but I felt like that’s where the story was going. What if you changed it to where Virgo disobeys Zeus and stands up to him? I think this would make Virgo a really powerful and likable character who wouldn’t back down from anyone.
Hi Cassidy! This is my first time visiting your site, and I must say that I really like how you have designed it. Even your comments page goes together with the theme! How awesome! I just noticed this. Anyways, I think the introduction and two stories you have written were put together really well. I like that your stories took a first person perspective, as sometimes even that can change a story significantly. In the first story, I like how in the author's note you provide pronunciation details for the names used, and I would really have liked to see that in the second story. It definitely is a minor detail, but it's also fun to find out whether you were pronouncing the words wrong the whole time or not. I like the images you incorporate in each of the stories as well. It really ties together the words with the visual you provide. I hope to return to your storybook before the semester ends, and see what new story you add. Nice job!
YAS! Finally! I love reading about Cassiopeia!! I know how much this story and constellation mean to you and I thought you did a fantastic job retelling it! I found a couple sentences that need some tweaking that I noted in here and I also had a few questions. "No one, particularly humans, could not be more beautiful than they were." -> "No one, particularly humans, could be more beautiful than they were." (You had a double negative in this sentence). "Poseidon got wind of my boasts, and decided that my testament would not due." Should be "do" here instead of "due." I get that she knows she's pretty and she's a little vain but, the way you portray her in the story, she seems pretty nice (maybe that's because it's from her point of view and most people don't think of themselves as awful people). What prompts her to say that she and her daughter are more beautiful than the nymphs? If she lives in the palace how did they hear her and what event were they all at together? I loved this addition and can't wait to read the last one!! Love you! Bye!
Hello Cassidy! What an interesting topic you have chosen. I am interested to read your stories. Your introduction is very eye-catching. I love how you grab the reader’s attention by dismissing any stories they may have already heard. They only thing I may suggest for this post is to move the video higher in the post. I almost missed it and I feel your other readers may miss it all together with it at the bottom of the post. On your first story, “The Virgin” I would suggest you attach this video on how to pronounce your main character’s name. For your author’s note in the story “The Sister” you may want to tell the readers more about the plot of the “Seven Sisters” I am interested to see why this story inspired you. In your final story, “The Queen”, your use of illustrations was wonderful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KUwFeDIa_U
Hey Cassidy! I love your topic. As someone who has written almost every story about women or taking the side of the woman, I love how you gave women from Greek mythology a voice. It makes it especially interesting because if they are all stuck in the heavens, then they are all victims, and I love how the narrative format saves the reason for their being trapped until the end, keeping us hooked! One thing I noticed is in your author's note for The Queen, you said you wrote this story first, but it is listed last of the pages. When making my own storybooks, I noted that if you start a new page, it automatically is placed before the others and you have to move it. So you may play around with your page order if they are not in the order you intended them to be in! Great work!
Hi Cassidy! I must say that after reading your storybook I was very much hooked to it. The way you write and tell your narrative is quite appealing to the reader. You can tell from each story that the women in them knows that something is wrong and are there to tell the correct version of events. The introduction is a masterpiece because you gave the audience a tone right off the bat. You let them know that these women were not to be judged in any way without any apparent reason. The tone was set right at the introduction which paved way for your stories. Your cover picture to your individual story titles were on point. They painted the picture and got straight to the point so that the reader knows exactly what they're going to read and how to envision it. Great job on your storybook and I look forward to reading more from you!
Cassidy, I read the introduction to your project quite some time ago, so it was great to be able to come back and read some of your actual stories today. I was intrigued by your first story, The Virgin, as Virgo must obey Zeus even though she does not believe in his actions. Also, the fact that Virgo was made to fix a problem that Zeus had created makes this story relatable to your audience. I am sure that we have all been held responsible for someone else's failures at one point or another. In addition, your writing style is very solid and packed with emotion. I could feel Virgo's sadness and even grew some contempt for Zeus myself when I learned about how he had destroyed the harmony between the humans and the gods. It sounds like his actions were completely selfish and that he did not want humans to be happy, just because. This is a prime example of the powerful abusing their power just because they can and trampling all over the little people. Good job on this story!
Hi Cassidy! I read some of your stories a while ago, but wanted to come back and see the progress you've made. First of all, rereading your intro, I love the overall idea of your storybook, of these women reclaiming their power by telling their own stories. Your writing voice is really strong and beautiful. Also, I didn't get to read your second or third stories last time I visited your storybook. I loved the second story — the personalities you give to each of the Pleiades are so vivid! I think it might be helpful to give a little more information on what exactly happened between Orion and the Pleiades and why Zeus intervened (you could even do this in the author's note). And I love your third story! The powerful, confident female character you create in Cassiopeia is amazing. I loved reading your storybook again — really great job this semester!
Hi, Cassidy! I wanted to revisit your storybook because I remembered enjoying the concept of the story and its execution in the first story. The story of The Sisters had me curious to learn more about these women. Their characterization was well done and it was interesting to learn about how these sisters gave birth to some of the most known gods in Greek myth. I like the fact that the story was told from Merope’s perspective, as you mentioned in the Author’s Note, it made the story feel more personal. I really enjoyed the moral of this story, it ends the story on a positive note. For The Queen, I have to say that I’m glad you made Cassiopeia, a loving mother. I like how this story and the next are connected. I was interested to learn about Andromeda, I had first learned of its existence because of the Harry Potter series, but I enjoyed reading and learning about her origin. I found the contrast between her mother and her interesting, the fact that her mother was in the stars as a prisoner and Andromeda is happy to be among the stars. This storybook was well done and I enjoyed all of it.
I love the whole concept of your story book. Your intro was compelling and tragic, and I was instantly hooked. Dike's love for the humans in the first story is evident right away. Reading through they story, you can sense her sorrow and disappointment as they would not listen to her. It is a wonderful first person narrative. You describing what flying felt like in your sisters story was beautiful. I also like the descriptions of each of the sisters. One question I have is why Orion decided to start hunting them. It would be interesting to add that to the story. Your story about the queen really spoke to me. I like how the moral of the story became the world does not always like those who like themselves. I agree that she should not have compared herself to others, but Poseidon proved that he was more vain and proud that Cassiopeida was when he reacted so harshly. The story of Andromeda was a happy one, and an excellent way to finish your storybook. It was a good idea to tell her mother's story first, as it gave some much needed background as to how she met her husband. Overall, I loved your storybook. It was compelling and well written, and I think that you did justice to the character's stories. Well done.
Cassidy, I think your storybook sounds really amazing! You immediately had me hooked! The way you write, you can tell that these women who will be telling the stories feel like their depiction was not quite accurate and they are here to set the story straight. I think you did a really good job at making their sort of defiant tone immediately be heard. They will not be misrepresented or judged without reason and I like how much strength you were able to give these women just in the introduction alone! I also really liked your picture you chose! One thing I was wondering about is, who are these women? Who is going to be telling their stories each week? I think it would be really cool to at least know who they are first and then hear their stories! How many women are there? Three? Ten? I wish I had a little bit more detail going into it but other than that I think you are doing an incredible job and I really love your writing style!
ReplyDeleteOmg, Cas, your comment post pic is amazing! Literally laughed out loud!
ReplyDeleteYour cover pic is PERFECT!!!
That and your title convey exactly what your stories will be about
Oh my goodness I'm so excited to see where you take this! Definitely reading your stories every week! I love how you made all the women speak with one voice. It just sounds and feels so powerful!
The idea of getting into their heads is really interesting too! Seeing their stories through their own eyes instead of some biased and over-glorified male would be a refreshing change!
You've got a couple run on sentences in there that should be super easy to fix. Otherwise, I don't see much more that you need to do. Polish it up a bit grammatically and then blast us all away with the tales of these powerful women!
The world needs more stories like this and more people like you to write them! I can't wait to read the first story!!!
LOVE THIS AND YOU! BYE
Cassidy, I just read the introduction for your Storybook. I really like the idea of explaining the constellations and celestial occurrences (or maybe misconceptions) from the "ladies of the stars"' perspectives. I was given the impression that this will be an empowering Storybook. I also felt like human ignorance will play a big part in your project. This is a theme that is very relevant to our world today, especially in our country. Perhaps your Storybook will serve as a lesson for what can happen when ignorance outdoes truth, and the evils that can take place. The only thing that I would suggest that you revise is the repetition of "we are going to tell you" at the end of the introduction, but I understand that you put it in there for emphasis. Good job on this! I can't wait to read some of your stories later on in this course.
ReplyDeleteHey, Cassidy, I really love the direction you are taking with your storybook! The design of your website and the photos that you use really sets up the atmosphere and pulls the reader into the story. I loved that you are telling this story from the perspective of the women in these constellations. The "we" voice that you have chosen to write in is awesome and will work so well for telling these stories! That being said, I have a note about the "we" voice you have chosen. It gets a bit redundant at times. I suggest changing up your sentence structure to combat this problem. That will also help with my other note, the sentence structure becomes a bit monotonous. You use a lot of commas and semi-colons, which is not bad, but don't be afraid of using short sentences every now and then - I think short sentences in places would make some of the statements more poignant. For example, "Some might say that we deserved what we got, that the gods put us here for a reason..." I think "Some might say that we deserved what we got. The gods put us here for a reason." is just a little bit more powerful. The period puts a longer pause between ideas. Other than that, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you for blessing us with the picture on your comment wall! Ha ha! I am so impressed with your idea behind this Storybook. I love constellations, and I think it's so creative to allow the women to tell their own stories themselves. It gives me this great mental image of groups of stars brightening until you can see hazy outlines of women, which stoop down and begin to tell their stories, defending themselves. Your introduction is written beautifully. You gave the women a strong, lyrical voice. I also really like that you ended the introduction with a question for us to think about as we continue reading. The only suggestion I have is to move the music to the top of the page so that the reader can listen to it while they read. You've set your Storybook up so nicely and I look forward to reading more of it later!
Cassidy I am so excited about your Storybook!! I am actually doing mine on women as well - Badass Biblical Women - so I am so stoked to get to read your stories and get some ideas from you! I loved how you point out in your introduction how many different types of women their are in the constellations! I think the most important thing about analyzing women in mythology is pointing out that they don't all have to be one archetype - so I loved that you emphasized this! I also liked the video and pictures that you included it really made it feel more immersive! I also loved that you talked about women as a collective using "We"! Clearly I'm all about the girl power so I'm loving this! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Cassidy! Your introduction is so good. I kind of get the vibe of "Series of Unfortunate Events" with it being so blunt, but this is truly what draws the reader in. I also like how you ended the introduction with a question. This gives the reader a good sense of what exactly is to come. I also really like how you summed up what your project will be about. I have found in a lot of introductions that I really do not know what is going on until I read the first story. I really liked how you included a quick "summary" of what your storybook will be about. Your first story is also really good. I really enjoyed reading it. I have always loved the stars, so I am looking forward to reading more and learning some "myths" about the women in the constellations. Great job and I cannot wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteThe music to go along with your introduction is a nice touch, and I did read it again after I found the music link. I think it goes with what theme you are trying to bring to your story, although I must say your theme is pretty dramatic. I think most of the people reading your story would know that Zeus overthrew Cronos, but either way it would most likely be better to leave out that part entirely. It would be better to either change your story title to Virgo instead of Virgin. If not this, it would at least be good to explain in your story why you chose that as your title. You only mention that translation of her name once, and it means nothing in the context. I do like how you tie the background of this comment wall to the constellation theme of the story. However, the humor in your picture takes a little away from the serious nature of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy! Okay, first of all, I love the meme at the top of this page. Secondly, I love the theme of your storybook — the site is lovely and the voice you use in storytelling is powerful. One thing I wondered while reading Virgo's story — why did the gods chose her to look after other humans? What made her so special, or was she just chosen randomly? Along those lines, as a semi-regular mortal, how does she have the power to fly to the stars and live there, and what does she feel for humans as she continues to watch them from above? Another thing I wondered — why is your story titled "The Virgin"? If it's a translation of Virgo's name, it might be helpful to explain that in the story (as well as why she'd be called Virgo in the first place). Otherwise, I really enjoyed your storytelling, and I'm looking forward to reading more from you soon!
ReplyDeleteCassidy, I want to start by saying that this storybook is a really interesting idea. I like that the stories are told in first person, so you can get a sense of what these women are feeling when the stories occur. I had never heard of the tale of Virgo before, but like you mentioned in your Author’s Note I think she wouldn’t like Zeus either. Your storytelling is great and strong, you got the lesson across quite nicely. Did you decide on Virgo being the first story because she chose to place herself in the stars or was it for another reason? Overall, the introduction gave a great general idea of what this storybook is going to be about. And the first story was a great start to the storybook, it really personalized and portrayed the character nicely.
ReplyDeleteI would also like to mention that the meme on this page is amazing. Keep up the good work!
Hi Cassidy! First off, I really like your image that you chose for the banner on your homepage. It really pops and attracts the audience to your site. I also like that you decided not to start the introduction off with “once upon a time” or “one day.” I like that you are speaking in first person point of view for your introduction. The perspective from using that point of view offers so much depth and emotion to your story. I love that you embedded a video clip at the end of emotional music. I wish I had seen that at the beginning so I could have played it while reading. Maybe you could move the video clip to the middle rather than at the end? I really enjoyed your first story, I like how you changed it from the original and made it a lot more interesting. I am so excited to read the rest of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Cassidy! I really like the images you used. I agree with your introduction saying "once upon a time" or other similar introductions are kind of lack luster. I really liked the story of Virgo and Zeus's impact on humanity. It's interesting to see the possibility that humans were one as young and beautiful as the gods before Zeus took that from them. Why is it you chose Virgo first of the constellations to do? I am wondering if the twins will be talked about at all, I am unsure if they are brother or sisters. This was a really good start to the story book and I bet it will get even better.
ReplyDeleteHey there Cassidy, what a great start to your project! Visually everything looks great because it is very appealing to the eye and well organized. Additionally, I liked that you included a video link on your introduction. It gets the reader in the mindset to dive into your story. The very first line of the introduction "starting these stories off with “once upon a time” would be quite cliché, especially when you consider the tragic ends that we each faced" is such a fantastic way to start off the story because it really gets the reader intrigued from the very first sentence. Then your very last sentence of the intro is a great way to keep the reader interested and prepared for what is to come next. Then, your first story is really good too. I loved reading your author’s note and seeing your inspiration. Everything is well laid out and I am excited to see where you go with this, good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy, the introduction is wonderful and really explains the background of your storybook. I really like the idea of explaining the constellations and celestial occurrences (or maybe misconceptions) from the "ladies of the stars"' perspectives. I love your background and the way you have your web page set up. I'm from the Indian Epics class, and your author's note was extremely informative on providing background info for readers with no previous knowledge. You did a wonderful job on your story, it was fun to read and very intriguing. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy, coming in from the Indian Epics course here! You did a really great job on your storybook. Your introduction to your stories really set us up for what is to come and I could not stop reading. I was so curious that I had to read more. Your title, also, really captured my initial attention, because not many people (that I have read) have written about constellations and signs. I really like zodiac signs/astrology/astronomy so this definitely peaked my interest. Your first story was super unique and I could not keep my eyes off the page. I wondered a lot about Virgo's character, because you mentioned she was mortal, but not like any kind of mortal so I wondered how she chose to go up to the stars? I would also like to see you incorporate more of her backdrop into the story or author's note somehow, but you did great explaining the original and your version!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was wonderful, It kept me wanting to read more. Your story was completely different than the ones I have seen so I was excited to check it out. I liked that the introduction gave a great background on what is about to come. I did not think you were going to talk about greek mythology, which was a surprise. I read your story and I was little lost on how she became a star if she was sent by the god to check up on humans? Was she already a star, but then decided to be a permanent start that could only stay in space? I think you could justify those details more clearly maybe by adding dialogues or adding little more background to her life. I really liked the pictures your used for into and the story. They all correlate well with the story. Overall great story and I can't wait to read more.
Hi Cassidy I'm back!
ReplyDeleteReally wanted to read your next story. I loved the second installment in Women in the constellation's: The Sisters. The Sisters was an amazing story, just based off the title, I would've thought it was about Gemini. It was interesting to learn about other sisters in our stars and the myth's about the origins. I would like to know about Aquarius or Gemini, there are apparently a lot of constellation myths I don't know about and I'm sure they would make amazing stories. I think adding dialogue or more background to their lives would really take your stories to the next level.
Hello, Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteSo I would first like to point out that you chose an awesome picture for the banner of your homepage! Since that is the first page your readers see it does a great job of illustrating the title. Also, your introduction is so intriguing! I definitely wanted to read more about who "we" were and the accompanying music was beautiful. My only comment would be that since you had banner images on the other story it seemed like it was missing one.
The story of the Virgin was both heartbreaking and elegant. Maybe the tone of the story could be better perceived if the background of the page was not white? It could just be me, but I really enjoy when the background color behind the text is something other than white. This of course is just a personal preference. Also, I was curious on how she turned herself into the stars? Maybe you could go into a bit more detail on how heartbroken she was and how this transformed her.
Anyways, great work! I really enjoyed reading through your storybook.
Hi Cassidy! First, thank you for the "wot in constellation" meme. I needed that. Second, I thought you did a great job with your storybook. Your introduction page really set the tone for the two stories that followed — because you start your introduction with the narrator being "we," I'm imagining a bunch of strong, mythological women getting me ready to learn their stories. I also listened to the song you placed at the end of your introduction and kept it playing while I read the other two stories, and I thought it perfectly matched the tone of your stories. Something you might consider for the story of the Seven Sisters would be including photos of each of the sisters. For me, someone who's not familiar with the story, it's a little tough to keep the characters straight. Maybe you could even make a family tree to show each of the sisters, their "photos," who they're married to, their children, etc. Anyway, great work! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteI commented a while ago on your introduction, and I am so happy to return to your Storybook this week! The two stories you've added are really wonderful, and you've done a great job of continuing with the strong, proud, slightly mournful tone that you set in the introduction. The author's notes for both stories were extremely helpful, and I like the way that you've adapted the stories to fit the mood and theme of your Storybook! The first person narration is entertaining to read, and you've given beautiful voices to the constellations. I especially like that you allowed Dike to stand up for herself and show her heart for the human race; what a great way to bring a new angle to an old story! I also really liked getting a description of each sister in "The Sisters." I was a little confused about Maia's issue with her own beauty, so maybe you could elaborate on that a little. Why did she want to control her beauty, and who attempted to use it against her? I think it was a great approach to tell each sister's background, as well as her appearance as a constellation, and then tie them all together to explain how they became constellations. Both stories so far are very effective in introducing us to a new perspective of constellations: strong women with their own distinct voices! Love it!
Hey Cassidy!!
ReplyDeleteI loved The Virgin! My only thing was, she chose to leave the humans behind when she saw there was nothing else she could do and then felt guilty about it later. Why can't she just go back if she feels so bad about it? Could you maybe deviate from the original and say that she was commanded to leave and find a new home among the stars so that she could still yearn to be with the humans she loves so much? I don't know, just an idea.
In The Sisters, doesn't Atlas hold up the sky? Not the Earth?
I like the idea behind this story but I feel like there's too much going on. Most of this story reads like a summary of all their personalities but it got a little confusing for me and it was hard to keep up. I would suggest picking a few sisters and really developing their stoires alongside Merope's.
Love this and love you! Bye, love! See you soon!
Hi Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your page. I loved your introduction! It was very engaging from the start! I loved that you had a music video on your first page.
In "The Virgin" I enjoyed the first person view point of the story. These stories always seam more personal to me, and keep me engaged in the story. I am glad that you decided to include a moral of the story which was revealed in your final sentences. It really made your story feel like it was an older story.
"The Sisters" was hard to follow at first because there are so many characters. I had to reread a few parts to keep up with all the characters. The author's note helped me, and then I reread the story with a better understanding. Maybe you could split this story into 2 parts so that you have more time to explain each sisters so the story doesn't feel all over the place. I know the word count can be restricting. Over all it was a great story, I was just left wanting more!
Hi again! Virgo's story is so good, yet it is so sad. I feel bad for her. She once loved humans but because of one god's created, it created a wall of distrust between humans and god. My favorite thing about this story is how it is in first person. I feel like without this aspect, the story would have not been able to play the emotions of the readers. Great job with this.
ReplyDeleteThe sisters story is by far one of my favorite I have read! I love how you describe the characters so vividly, so that the audience can picture what they would be like. The one thing that I was confused about is what happened to them? Was it just Orion hunting them? That was the only thing I was not sure about. I really enjoyed the descriptions and the background information. I feel like you could definitely tell more stories about them. You did a really great job and I wish you the best of luck finishing up!
Hi Cassidy! First, I would like to say how well done your website is. I like pretty much everything about it. It’s easy to navigate, the images you used are good, and the music you added to the introduction is a really nice touch. The introduction got me hooked and wanting to read more. I like the use of the rhetorical question at the end of it. It lets the reader decide for themselves how they will interpret this story. I think my biggest question for the whole storybook is why didn’t Virgo go against Zeus’s word? I know that she probably wouldn’t have a chance against him, but I felt like that’s where the story was going. What if you changed it to where Virgo disobeys Zeus and stands up to him? I think this would make Virgo a really powerful and likable character who wouldn’t back down from anyone.
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your site, and I must say that I really like how you have designed it. Even your comments page goes together with the theme! How awesome! I just noticed this. Anyways, I think the introduction and two stories you have written were put together really well. I like that your stories took a first person perspective, as sometimes even that can change a story significantly. In the first story, I like how in the author's note you provide pronunciation details for the names used, and I would really have liked to see that in the second story. It definitely is a minor detail, but it's also fun to find out whether you were pronouncing the words wrong the whole time or not. I like the images you incorporate in each of the stories as well. It really ties together the words with the visual you provide. I hope to return to your storybook before the semester ends, and see what new story you add. Nice job!
Hey Cas!
ReplyDeleteYAS! Finally! I love reading about Cassiopeia!! I know how much this story and constellation mean to you and I thought you did a fantastic job retelling it!
I found a couple sentences that need some tweaking that I noted in here and I also had a few questions.
"No one, particularly humans, could not be more beautiful than they were." -> "No one, particularly humans, could be more beautiful than they were." (You had a double negative in this sentence).
"Poseidon got wind of my boasts, and decided that my testament would not due." Should be "do" here instead of "due."
I get that she knows she's pretty and she's a little vain but, the way you portray her in the story, she seems pretty nice (maybe that's because it's from her point of view and most people don't think of themselves as awful people). What prompts her to say that she and her daughter are more beautiful than the nymphs? If she lives in the palace how did they hear her and what event were they all at together?
I loved this addition and can't wait to read the last one!!
Love you! Bye!
Hello Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting topic you have chosen. I am interested to read your stories. Your introduction is very eye-catching. I love how you grab the reader’s attention by dismissing any stories they may have already heard. They only thing I may suggest for this post is to move the video higher in the post. I almost missed it and I feel your other readers may miss it all together with it at the bottom of the post. On your first story, “The Virgin” I would suggest you attach this video on how to pronounce your main character’s name. For your author’s note in the story “The Sister” you may want to tell the readers more about the plot of the “Seven Sisters” I am interested to see why this story inspired you. In your final story, “The Queen”, your use of illustrations was wonderful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KUwFeDIa_U
Hey Cassidy! I love your topic. As someone who has written almost every story about women or taking the side of the woman, I love how you gave women from Greek mythology a voice. It makes it especially interesting because if they are all stuck in the heavens, then they are all victims, and I love how the narrative format saves the reason for their being trapped until the end, keeping us hooked!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed is in your author's note for The Queen, you said you wrote this story first, but it is listed last of the pages. When making my own storybooks, I noted that if you start a new page, it automatically is placed before the others and you have to move it. So you may play around with your page order if they are not in the order you intended them to be in!
Great work!
Hi Cassidy!
ReplyDeleteI must say that after reading your storybook I was very much hooked to it. The way you write and tell your narrative is quite appealing to the reader. You can tell from each story that the women in them knows that something is wrong and are there to tell the correct version of events. The introduction is a masterpiece because you gave the audience a tone right off the bat. You let them know that these women were not to be judged in any way without any apparent reason. The tone was set right at the introduction which paved way for your stories. Your cover picture to your individual story titles were on point. They painted the picture and got straight to the point so that the reader knows exactly what they're going to read and how to envision it. Great job on your storybook and I look forward to reading more from you!
Cassidy, I read the introduction to your project quite some time ago, so it was great to be able to come back and read some of your actual stories today. I was intrigued by your first story, The Virgin, as Virgo must obey Zeus even though she does not believe in his actions. Also, the fact that Virgo was made to fix a problem that Zeus had created makes this story relatable to your audience. I am sure that we have all been held responsible for someone else's failures at one point or another. In addition, your writing style is very solid and packed with emotion. I could feel Virgo's sadness and even grew some contempt for Zeus myself when I learned about how he had destroyed the harmony between the humans and the gods. It sounds like his actions were completely selfish and that he did not want humans to be happy, just because. This is a prime example of the powerful abusing their power just because they can and trampling all over the little people. Good job on this story!
ReplyDeleteHi Cassidy! I read some of your stories a while ago, but wanted to come back and see the progress you've made. First of all, rereading your intro, I love the overall idea of your storybook, of these women reclaiming their power by telling their own stories. Your writing voice is really strong and beautiful. Also, I didn't get to read your second or third stories last time I visited your storybook. I loved the second story — the personalities you give to each of the Pleiades are so vivid! I think it might be helpful to give a little more information on what exactly happened between Orion and the Pleiades and why Zeus intervened (you could even do this in the author's note). And I love your third story! The powerful, confident female character you create in Cassiopeia is amazing. I loved reading your storybook again — really great job this semester!
ReplyDeleteHi, Cassidy! I wanted to revisit your storybook because I remembered enjoying the concept of the story and its execution in the first story. The story of The Sisters had me curious to learn more about these women. Their characterization was well done and it was interesting to learn about how these sisters gave birth to some of the most known gods in Greek myth. I like the fact that the story was told from Merope’s perspective, as you mentioned in the Author’s Note, it made the story feel more personal. I really enjoyed the moral of this story, it ends the story on a positive note. For The Queen, I have to say that I’m glad you made Cassiopeia, a loving mother. I like how this story and the next are connected. I was interested to learn about Andromeda, I had first learned of its existence because of the Harry Potter series, but I enjoyed reading and learning about her origin. I found the contrast between her mother and her interesting, the fact that her mother was in the stars as a prisoner and Andromeda is happy to be among the stars. This storybook was well done and I enjoyed all of it.
ReplyDeleteI love the whole concept of your story book. Your intro was compelling and tragic, and I was instantly hooked.
ReplyDeleteDike's love for the humans in the first story is evident right away. Reading through they story, you can sense her sorrow and disappointment as they would not listen to her. It is a wonderful first person narrative.
You describing what flying felt like in your sisters story was beautiful. I also like the descriptions of each of the sisters. One question I have is why Orion decided to start hunting them. It would be interesting to add that to the story.
Your story about the queen really spoke to me. I like how the moral of the story became the world does not always like those who like themselves. I agree that she should not have compared herself to others, but Poseidon proved that he was more vain and proud that Cassiopeida was when he reacted so harshly.
The story of Andromeda was a happy one, and an excellent way to finish your storybook. It was a good idea to tell her mother's story first, as it gave some much needed background as to how she met her husband.
Overall, I loved your storybook. It was compelling and well written, and I think that you did justice to the character's stories. Well done.